


i'll see you at the gates when it gets dark

by orphan_account



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Afterlife, Blood and Gore, Forgiveness, Gen, Ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 12:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17601545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Apparently being an atheist and assuming there’s nothing after death was the wrong choice. He’s not entirely sure where he is, but he’s not in pain anymore. A hand instinctively reaches up to where Tim sliced at him and he feels nothing out of the ordinary. Just his hand touching his skin. Huh. Okay.





	i'll see you at the gates when it gets dark

**Author's Note:**

> government agent, punching me: STOP USING BMTH LYRICS AS FIC TITLES  
> me: [spits blood in their face] fuck you  
> government agent to other government agent: they won't quit what do we do 
> 
> so this little thing was inspired by this drawing i saw  
> http://arklie.tumblr.com/post/182345196446/local-dead-man-doesnt-know-how-to-handle
> 
> i was like 'hm what a delicious idea for a fic' and. here it is.  
> the beginning is kinda violent cause ho baby alex's death was *violent* but like the rest of the fic is basically fine. little mentions of it here and there but nothing too gruesome.  
> also uh all of this is platonic in my mind but if you wanna read it as romantic go nuts i don't control your life  
> as always my tumblr is missanonrabbit come bother me if you'd like

Pain. More pain than he’s ever felt in his life, than he can really even fathom. He’s convulsing and gurgling up blood, hardly able to keep a coherent thought amidst all the blinding pain, the blood squirting out of his neck and onto Tim's face, his arms. Yet he’s able to spit out a few parting words to the man who's stabbed him multiple times before drifting off into, presumably, nothing.

 

Apparently being an atheist and assuming there’s nothing after death was the wrong choice. He’s not entirely sure where he is, but he’s not in pain anymore. A hand instinctively reaches up to where Tim sliced at him and he feels nothing out of the ordinary. Just his hand touching his skin.  _Huh. Okay._

 

That’s not even the best part, though. He can’t feel that damn thing clouding up his brain anymore. He feels like himself again for the first time in...years. It’s nice for a grand total of two seconds before the reality of what he did while under that thing’s influence sets in. The guilt claws at him and consumes him entirely. He all but chokes on it. If there’s a Hell, he hopes he’s going there for what he did. He clutches his stomach and curls in on himself to try and seem as small as humanly possible. Hard to do as a rather tall individual, but he does his best.

 

A voice softly speaking his name breaks into his downward spiral of guilt and his whole body tenses up. He doesn’t want to look up. He knows that voice and knows what he’ll see if he does. He’s not ready to face it, doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready to face it.

 

‘Alex, can you hear me? Are you dead too?’

 

Hearing Jay speak to him so casually destroys him. Hot tears are welling up in his eyes. He does his best to blink them back and breathe deeply. Who knew one could still cry in death? He’d laugh if he wasn’t so overcome with sheer fucking anguish. He wants to disappear, but where would he go if he’s already dead?

 

He hears Jay mumble about how maybe he can’t hear him after all. He sounds sad about it and the confusion that almost entirely replaces the guilt, makes it easier for him to whip his head up and say, ‘No, I can hear you.’

 

His voice trembles and wavers. It’s obvious he’s close to tears. They threaten to spill over upon seeing his old friend’s face. The old friend he stalked and murdered.

 

Jay looks visibly relived at that which only confuses him more. Why would he be relieved to be faced with the man who shot him?

 

It’s only then that Alex takes a moment to ponder his surroundings. Turns out that’s a bad idea because the two men look like they’re in absolutely nowhere. Blackness surrounds them on all sides and there’s just. Nothing. A whole lot of nothing. Panic rises in his chest when he starts to think this is what eternity may be like for him.

 

‘Hey, calm down. Calm down.’ Jay says and it’s then he realizes that he’s shaking all over and breathing heavily. ‘I freaked out too when I first got here, but it’s okay. I was told by someone that they’re just figuring out what to do with me since I was infected by that...that thing. I’m assuming that’s the case for you too.’ He says.

 

Strangely enough, that helps ease his nerves a little bit. Makes him feel significantly less dizzy and like he’s going to pass out. He faintly wonders if he even can pass out as a ghost (or whatever he is, ghost is just the first word that pops up, so he runs with it). A question comes to mind.

 

‘Why are you being nice to me? Shouldn’t you be super pissed that I killed you?’ He asks. The other man shrugs and bites his lip.

 

‘I was at first. If we’d died like super close together and got stuck here like this, I probably would’ve strangled you the moment I saw you.’ He replies and even laughs somewhat.

 

Alex furrows his brow and frowns. ‘Wh...What changed?’ He asks. Jay’s silent for a moment, presumably trying to figure out how to answer. He makes a small humming noise before giving a response.

 

‘That thing affected us all in different ways. Made us do different things. I'm not exactly proud of everything I did while trying figure out what it was. Hell, a lot of your memories from that whole mess are probably super cloudy because that’s just...’ He trails off and Alex finishes for him.

 

‘That’s just what it does to you.’ Jay nods.

 

‘Exactly. So, while I’m not exactly happy that you shot me, I’m not super angry about it anymore. I forgave you a little while ago.’ He says.

 

And that’s when the real tears start. Soft sobs wrack his body and he buries his face in his hands. He can’t stand to look at his old friend again. Can’t stand to have his forgiveness after what he put him through. He doesn’t deserve it. He deserves to rot in Hell, if that even exists. Now that he knows there’s...something after death, he’s not ruling anything out.

 

He jumps a little in surprise when he feels a hand on his shoulder and whips his head up to sort of see Jay smiling at him. At least he thinks he’s smiling. Hard to tell through the mess of tears. He really doesn’t understand when his old friend pulls him into a tight hug. At first he completely freezes up, unable to comprehend that this is even happening. After a few moments, though, he relaxes entirely and embraces Jay right back. He’s being embarrassing and crying on his shoulder, getting his jacket all wet. If the other man minds, he doesn’t say anything. Alex clutches him tightly, as if he'd disappear if he let go. 

 

Part of him wonders if this is even is happening, or if it's just some cruel trick being played on him. Maybe he’s in Hell and soon Jay’s going to pull away from him and say something along the lines of, ‘Just kidding! You’re terrible for what you did to me and so many others, and I hate your fucking guts.’

 

Yet that doesn’t end up happening. He even starts rubbing his back with one of his hands. The gentle touch is _oh_ so soothing. He hasn’t had someone be so careful with him in years. It’s jarring, but he enjoys it, so he doesn’t pull away.

 

‘How?’ He asks and he hates the sound of his own voice, so shattered in every sense of the word.

 

Jay pulls back a little so he’s looking straight at Alex and it’s too much, too much. He has to fight to keep eye contact. It’s the least he can do. The fact that he can’t see much through his tears probably helps.

 

‘We were all fucked over in this.’ He reaches a hand up to caress Alex’s cheek and the soft touch overwhelms him. Thankfully he pulls back before he has to verbalize that fact. He realizes he hasn’t even apologized yet in this entire bizarre afterlife conversation. He tries to compose himself long enough to do that.

 

‘I’m...I am sorry. For what it’s worth. For everything. Fucking. Everything. God, I don’t even know where to begin.’ He says with a bitter laugh.

 

Jay pulls him close again and shushes him. ‘I know, I know. I don’t really know where to begin either.’ He says and laughs as well, but his is less sarcastic.

 

‘How did you end up dying, anyway?’ He asks and Alex winces instinctively. He remembers the absolute agony of being stabbed countless times. It makes him shiver and gulp, despite the fact that he can’t feel it anymore.

 

‘Uh. Tim. Pretty brutally, too. I’d rather not get into it.’ He replies.

 

‘Ah. Well...I suppose you did sort of earn it. Especially from him.’ Jay says and gives him a sympathizing look. Alex sort of just awkwardly rubs the back of his neck and shrugs.

 

‘Yeah. Yeah, I did. I’ll give him that.’ Is all he can really say in response. There aren’t words to describe the guilt and shame he feels for putting them through so much pain and misery. He’ll probably feel it for all eternity, regardless of how Jay feels now. He still thinks he doesn’t deserve his forgiveness, his comfort. He absolutely doesn’t if the way the other’s face falls says anything about it. Jay sighs.

 

‘He’s all alone now...I haven’t stopped thinking about that...’ He trails off and there’s something in his expression that Alex can’t quite place. Something he never bothered looking for when he was still alive and blindly hunting the two men for that faceless fuck. It’s very likely a sore spot for him, so he doesn’t bring it up.

 

He clears his throat and attempts to change the subject. ‘So, we’re just waiting here then for...where we go next?’ He asks.

 

Jay breaks out of whatever spell he was in, shaking his head wildly. He shrugs at his companion’s question.

 

‘That’s what I was told. Not entirely sure where we go next is gonna be.’ He says with a nervous, high pitched laugh. Alex can’t lie, he’s anxious about what’s coming after this too. This weird expanse of nothingness is awful, but what if there’s something worse afterwards? It’s too much for him to think about, so he tries again for a subject change.

 

‘You know what else I’m sorry for that doesn’t really matter now at all, but I’m gonna apologize for anyway?’ He asks. Jay raises a brow at him.

 

‘Never taking any of your suggestions to heart as a script supervisor before all this.’ He says. He doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to say, if he should be talking at all.

 

It seems to be because Jay throws his head back, laughing loud and bright like he used to when they were still close. His whole face is lit up and he can’t help but think he’s kind of beautiful. He’s missed the sound more than he can describe and didn’t even realize it until this very moment. Whatever comes next, he hopes Jay goes with him. While he still doesn’t believe he deserves to have him in his life (or whatever this is) again, he’s not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Plus, now that they’re dead, there’s significantly less of a chance of some horrible monster all but consuming his mind again.

 

He rolls with it, and hopes with everything in him that he can just continue to make his friend laugh like that again.


End file.
